The Light at the End
by talkinglikeateen
Summary: Takes places after season one. It picks up on the consequences of the encounter with Pensatucky and Alex and Piper's relationship. Mostly it is a straight out story about realizing that inevitability is part of love. There are spoilers so beware if you haven't finished the season.
1. Inevitable

The Light at the End

Ch.1: Inevitable

* * *

_December 24, Year one_

_Five years, eight months and thirteen days. That's how long I have left on my sentence. I ratted out ten other members of a smuggling ring in order to get down from twenty years to six. Nine of those people were guilty of some of the worse trafficking schemes in the past decade and the last person I squealed on was just because I still held a grudge from eight years ago. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking horrible. I didn't used to be. It happened sometime after meeting my dad. I had played good, done the best I could under the circumstances, but then I fell apart. I wanted to give my mom something we had been denied. In the end I did. I sent her money and she lived a comfortable life for a few years. Then she died. She was only forty-eight. She lived a good honest life providing for me, and what does she get? She gets an aneurism before she had the time to really live at all. What fucked up type of justice is that? I just wish she was here. All the time I just feel myself wanting to call my mom and talk things over but I can't. I tried once calling my aunt. She didn't answer. After I got arrested she just disappeared from my life. I still have her on my visitor list in case she turns up. I doubt she will though. _

_I'm lucky with my sentencing. I only got ratted out for some of the deals, not all. If the government knew just how much I did I'd probably be looking at a minimum of thirty years. You've got to love those plea deals. Our government doesn't really care that much about how much time you serve on your drug conviction. They just want you to drag as many people down with you as possible. I did that and I got a bargain, a really good bargain. Yet, six years is too long to be away from the world._

_Every day I wake up and think, "What the hell am I going to do?" I mean, when I get out of here. For majority of my life I've been a drug pusher. It's the only life I know, but after prison I can't go back to that type of business. I will always be on watch lists and will never have the freedom I once had. I don't have a degree and I have no real skills besides knowing people. I've just been fucked over my entire life and I know that part of that is my own fault. Maybe, just maybe when I get out of here I can discreetly get to some of the money I hid and maybe open a business or something. Well, I guess that's all I have to give currently. I can't talk about the rest, it's just not right currently. Piper, well those emotions are too fresh to be hashed out right now. _

She put down the pencil. Nichols had given her a journal for Christmas.

"You gotta get your shit out, man!" she said handing her a small black book.

Perhaps it was the way for therapy here without getting sent to the psych ward. One hint of being depressed inside these walls and they would up your dosage of Prozac and make you attend mandatory therapy meetings daily. That is a hell of another kind. Their treatment plan often caused more issues for inmates than it actually solved, if it solved any at all.

Her cell block was rather empty. Most people were still mingling with the Christmas cheer. The only exceptions were some of the Jewish population, but most of her block was still out. Or at least they were before a loud alarm sounded and the red lights flashed as everyone started to file into the cell block.

No one really knew what the hell was going on. They all had worried looks on their faces. The alarms never meant good news. She saw Nichols arrive to her cubical which was just across the aisle from hers. Her face looked worried and she looked tired.

Nichols called to her, "Vause, have you seen Chapman?" she asked her voice showing concern that was unnatural to the usually very calm girl.

"No," Alex responded wondering what had gone wrong.

Nichols kicked her bed and sat down, her head in her hands. "I should've done something. She kept talking about how Pensatucky was gonna end her. We all just laughed it off and told her she could take her."

Alex's heart starting racing in her chest and she started to panic. The alarms had not stopped and everyone could see the guards running around. Her breath became short. Piper could be dead right now, and just now she was realizing how much the idea of not having her and there being no possibly of seeing her again hurt her.

"Nichols, what the fuck is going on?"

"All we heard before this shit started was a guard yelling inmate down in the yard over the radio. Then we all were told to get back for an official count. It's gotta be Chapman. No one has seen her since she left the Christmas thing," Nichols explained.

That's all Alex remembered. The rest was blank. Her whole body began to shake and she broke down to the ground crying. The only girl she ever loved could be hurt or worse and she had just been fucking horrible to her. If she was dead she didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive herself.

* * *

Piper stared at her blood-soaked hands. A mixture of her blood and Pensatucky's were on them. She hadn't meant to go as far as she did. One minute she was fighting for her life and then the next moment her rage came out. Her rage for being in the prison, her rage because of Alex's betrayal, the rage at Larry for his articles and bullshit he pulled, just all the anger she had bottled up finally let loose in an uncontrollable, carnal manner. So much so she didn't realize when Pensatucky got in another blow with another homemade shank she had hidden in her costume before she passed out from the repeated blows. She had managed to stab her in the stomach and blood was pouring out of the wound onto the ground. It started to pour out of her wound faster, making a harsh contrast against the pure white snow. In some ways it was quite funny. Almost like the blood was a corrupting influence, so dark and filed with rage. Blood on the snow was like how prison was on Alex's soul. She was becoming colder and callous. She was nothing like the girl she was before she entered this place. Maybe Pensatucky was right. Maybe she was a great sinner who had lost the favor of god.

"The Angel of Death has fallen," she laughed weakly, almost deliriously as her knees buckled and she fell on her hands into the snow, "taking the sinner with her."

Those were the last thoughts Piper had before she passed out onto the cold, white blankets of snow. Blood continued to pour out of her wound. It would be a half an hour before someone would find her and Pensatucky. It was a half an hour that would only lead to death and heartache for everyone involved.

* * *

Piper ended up waking up in a hospital surrounded by guards and lawyers. Immediately after waking up she was told she was being charged with second degree manslaughter. She was looking at spending another ten years in prison and it was all because of Pensatucky. She was allowed visitors. Her parents and her brother visited, all threatening to sue the prison on her behalf. Larry didn't come, and Piper was relieved. She couldn't handle him. He was part of the bigger picture of why she was here and she couldn't take any reminders of what she was capable of.

As soon as they had her stitched up and on heavy painkillers after surgery to repair some of the damage the shank had caused she was once again in front of a judge. This time she had a lawyer other than Larry's dad and he wanted to argue her case, not just plead guilty. After arguing that it occurred in self-defense, which was supported by the stab wound, the other wound on her hand and the videotape from the yard cameras, the judge decided to rule that she would only serve four more years in prison. It was a much longer sentence than her original fifteen months, but much better than the ten she would have had to serve otherwise.

As soon as she had made it back to the prison she was told that the Litchfield SHU was to be her home for the next month because she was still considered a danger to the inmates after the Pensatucky incident. As horrible as the situation was for Piper, she held onto the fact that at least she wasn't going to maximum. She almost cried as the guard opened the door to the room she had been in her first stay in the SHU. It seemed like her life was on an endless repeat. Her first day there she tried talking to see if anyone was on the other side of the vent, or if the entire time it had been her imagination.

"Hello?" she asked, trying to see if someone was around, but all she was met with was the silence. No one was there. Maybe the first time it was all in her head. She was becoming desperate for some proof that the SHU would not make her insane.

"Please, by god if someone is there and can hear me, let me know," she pleaded.

There was still no answer. She waited for two hours for there to be a sign that someone was on the other side before she gave up. Instead she started thinking about Alex and Larry. Her life was such a mess because of the two of them. She started talking about them out loud because she found talking helped pass the time more than just thinking and filled the deafening silence that surrounded her.

"I don't know what the hell I am doing anymore," was the first thing she said. "I am, no, I was engaged to this good guy. He was everything I could have ever wanted in a partner. He was dependable, safe and he took care of me," she paused. "Then I ended up here. He started writing about me and using me to further his career, but he got everything about my life wrong. He made this whole thing seem like an adventure or some burden he had to bare. He doesn't understand what it is like to be in here."

She stopped for a moment trying to collect what she was trying to express, "And then there is Alex. She knows exactly what I am going through. I think even before prison she knew me better than Larry ever did. Larry only saw the good parts of me. I don't think he saw the bad parts. He wanted to put me on a pedestal and I think he wrote his articles based on the idea that I could do no wrong," Piper swallowed back the tears that were threatening to escape.

"I think I never really loved Larry the way I loved Alex. He was just the safe choice. He was the one you would bring back to the parents, you know. Alex definitely wasn't that type with the tattoos and all her personal shit. She would sooner insult someone's parents than ever pay them a compliment. It's not that she isn't charming, trust me she is, but she just doesn't do well with parents. I think that's why I ended it with her in part. It was the bad behavior and the drug smuggling. I couldn't take her lifestyle anymore and I should have told her that and had a calm discussion about it, but instead I was a dick about it. Her mother died and I broke up with her and left on the same day. What kind of person does that?" she asked herself.

Piper just continued on talking. She was working out her life for the first time. She wasn't going to bottle up her feelings anymore. By the time she got out she needed to know what she was going to do, because she was going to have five more years here with Alex and she needed to sort out exactly what her feelings were.

The last thing she said before falling asleep was, "I hope this time I can make things right."

Time in the SHU passed agonizingly slow. Two weeks in the SHU seemed longer than the couple months she had already spent in the prison. The talking had helped some, but Piper still longed for contact with another human being that was beyond them handing nasty food in through a flap in the door.

"I only have two more weeks in here," Piper said. "I'm half way through can you believe it? No, probably not since you're not really here. I think I finally figured out what Alex is to me. I may have loved Larry, but he wasn't the love of my life. I think Alex is. Everything about her seems inevitable to me. I can't stay away and I don't think I want to anymore."

She paused looking down at the tray of disgusting food she had not touched, "Isn't that what love is supposed to feel like? Isn't supposed to feel like the only true thing in a time of darkness? I know I am in a period of darkness right now, and Alex seems to be the shiny beacon that's leading me back. She is my light in this seemingly endless tunnel of nothingness."

She leaned back against the wall. She closed her eyes and imagined what Alex was doing at that moment. It was about dinner time she would guess from the rumbling of her stomach, so Alex would probably have her nose in a book somewhere. During her time in the SHU she had lost a lot of weigh. She refused to eat any of the moldy food they would bring her. Dinner was usually acceptable, so she would eat then. The meals were designed to fit the average diet and only eating one was leaving her lacking calorie wise.

She went to the small bunk, laid back and whispered, "I love her," before falling asleep in the room that was her endless tunnel of nothingness.

* * *

Alex was bouncing of the walls for the past three weeks. No news of Piper was killing her. She had promised herself that she was done with her and that she no longer cared because she picked Larry over her, but she found herself breaking that promise. She should have never made it, because if there was one sure thing it was that she never was going to stop caring about Piper Chapman. Not until her last breath leaves her body.

She picked up the small black book and began to do just what Nichols said, get the feelings out. She was ready now to get all of her Piper Chapman drama out.

_ January 30, Year One_

_ Piper has been gone over a month now. All I know if what I have heard through the gossip ring from the guards. She's fine, thank god. I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't. If Pensatucky wasn't already dead she would be after what she did to Pipes. They found her bleeding on the ground. The little bitch tried to killer her and Piper got five more years because she had to protect herself. The cameras in the yard must have backed her up; otherwise, she would have been looking at maximum security and twenty years. All I know is Healy, that smug bastard, knew what was going on. He was taken off duty a few days after they reviewed the tapes and now he has a court case pending. Apparently he is charged with manslaughter negligence. He's not going to do well in prison. Especially since even when he is running the prison he doesn't seem to understand not getting caught by the cameras._

_ Piper's in the SHU currently though. I don't know when she is getting out. All I know is that I have to tell her that I love her. She's told me, sure when she was really angry, but she's told me and I haven't said anything in response. I suck. That's why she chose Larry over me. She came to talk, that day before the attack. Maybe she was going to ask me for help with Pensatucky. I can only hope she can forgive me if that's the truth. I understand now. I had no right to play the victim this time, last time yes. She was engaged before she knew I was here. I pursued her knowing that. I should have known what I was getting into because of that. Maybe if I had told her the truth and not let her fiancé blindside her she would have chosen me over him. No matter what I've just got to tell her that I love her. She needs to know. I almost lost her for good this time. I can't let that happen again._

_In other news, meth-head blondie is getting out soon. Means I'll have a new roommate. At least all my dealings with Pensatucky and her Jesus crew are ending. Maybe my mattresses will stop going missing, the fucking bitch. Let's hope after she leaves the entire televangelist group ends. _

_Now I guess for the count of time left. I have five years, seven months and six days left on my sentence. Piper now has Five years one month and twenty days left. We have five years to try and make this right and I am not going to waste any more time. If I do things right the six months between when we get out won't matter. _

* * *

Piper leaned against the wall next to the vent and smiled. It was her last day in this hell hole. She was getting out and was finally going to be able to tell Alex everything. She had worked out everything she was going to say over and over again until it was perfect. She had to make this perfect. She had one shot to make this right.

"I'm getting out today," she exclaimed, "I'm done, all done, well besides the five more years I have but other than that I'm good," she scooted closer to the vent. "If there is someone there and you've been listening this past month, thank you. I hope you get out soon and are doing well. So, yeah I guess this is bye."

A few minutes later the door clicked like it was about to be opened, but before that she heard the voice from last time.

"Good luck and goodbye," said the husky voice from the other side of the vent before the door open completely. Then silence fell. Piper just stared in shock at the vent.

"Time's up, Chapman," a tall, skinny guard said to her.

She shook off the shock and smiled when she thought of finally being able to talk to Alex, "I guess it is."

She followed the guard out of the cell and down the long, dimly lit hallway until she reached the door to the outside. He opened it and the blinding light of the day entered the hallway. The outside was perfect. About a half foot of snow was on the ground and the winter sun was reflecting perfectly off of it. As she stepped out she smelled the fresh air. Pines filled her senses, it smelled like Christmas and for her it was. Not far from the entrance Morello and the van were waiting for her.

"Come on Chapman, lunch is in thirty minutes and Red is serving the potatoes today!" Morello yelled from the front seat.

"Just give me a moment," she said, breathing in deeply, enjoying the fresh air. She pulled herself together and readied herself for the emotional day to come before she said, "Okay, let's go."

She got in the van. The short drive in between the two structures seemed to take forever and Morello was yacking about what she had missed during her turn in the SHU as the radio played the news.

"Well, Nichols and Vause had a fallin' out of sorts. Over the whole her knowin' Pensatucky was gonna come after you an' all. Red got her kitchen back. Healy was convicted. He's servin' downstate in one of the nicer prisons," she turned the van onto the main driveway up to the prison. "Your cube was filled by Taystee and some other new girl, so when you get here you're gonna have to wait for a new bunk assignment. Yeah, that's about it. Hey, but we missed you keepin' everything interestin'. I'm sorry about the longer sentence, that really blows, but hey it's not the worst that could've happened. Least you aren't in max or downhill. I hear those prisons really suck."

"Yeah," Piper said watching the outside surroundings. She only had a minute or so before they would arrive and she wanted to take in as much as she could before she would have to return to the inside.

* * *

Alex was sitting with her back against the bookshelf. In her hands was one of the few possessions she was allowed to bring in. It was her mother's book, a book filled with poetry. One page was more worn than others. It contained a poem by Desnos. Alex had read that poem a thousand times. Robert Desnos was her favorite poet, but only for one reason. He just knew the perfect words to say in a situation where words escape you.

_No, love is not dead in this heart these eyes and this mouth that announced the start of its own funeral. Listen, I've had enough of the picturesque, the colorful and the charming. I love love, its tenderness and cruelty. My love has only one name, one form. Everything disappears. All mouths cling to that one. – Robert Desnos, excerpt from the poem "No, Love is Not Dead"_

As her eyes flowed over the familiar words, Pousséy ran forward, "Hey Vause, blondie is out of the SHU and Morello is pullin' up right now!"

Alex shut the book and started walking as fast as possible through the library to the stairs. Her heart was guiding her feet towards what it wanted and she couldn't stop them if she wanted to. She made it down to the main hall, a group was assembled, and even Red was there to welcome Piper back.

The doors opened and her heart almost stopped. Piper walked in looking worse for the wear. She looked even skinnier than she had when Red was starving her out. She walked uneasily, and not as tall as she once had. When her eyes caught Alex's the dead blue-grey lit up and was much like Alex remember from the days before prison and before all of the drama. She walked up to Alex and gave her a bone crushing hug.

"I missed you," she whispered into her ear.

Alex smiled, "I missed you too."

The stood there for a moment taking in the feeling of being together once again without all the previous shit being in the way. Piper began whispering again, "I don't want to be locked up again so soon and I should probably say hello to everyone else."

"Yeah, you've a lot of well-wishers. Come see me when you're done. We need to talk," she said calmly wiping tears from the corner of her eyes.

Pipers smiled, "Yeah, see you later. I promise. I have something really important to say."

Alex smiled and nodded, "Yeah, not now. This is a private talk. Just you and me, Pipes, like old times."

Alex then turned away from the large group, and walked back to her cellblock despite promising not to waste any more time, but she had the promise of the private conversation the two needed to have, one which couldn't be witnessed by half the prison. Though as she walked away she felt her heart breaking slightly because any time she had to leave Piper it broke slightly, but every time she saw her those cracks were fixed. Now all she had to do was wait for Piper to show up.

* * *

A/N (Which no one reads but what the hell)

That's chapter one. I only have two more chapters planned. The next is about the five years they have in prison together and the six months Alex serves alone. Then there is an epilogue. Tell me what you think so far if you are so inclined.


	2. Assurance

The Light at the End

Ch.2: Assurance

* * *

Alex sat on her bed. The same Desnos poem was open as she waited for Piper to come find her. Her mind was filled with what she was going to say. She had been working it out for the past month and yet it was still not quite right. This had to be perfect. She had to show Piper she was in one hundred percent and that nothing would change the fact that she loved her.

"My love has only one name, one form. Everything disappears. All mouths cling to that one," said the sweet voice she had been waiting for. It broke through the silence and filled the room with warmth that she hadn't known had been missing until Piper entered.

Alex laughed, "You remembered. It's been eight years and you still remember."

Piper walked closer to her bed and sat down on the corner, "How could I forget. Every night like clockwork you would recite that poem. I'll remember it forever. I'll always love it because of how much you do."

Alex felt her courage surging slightly. Her chest was tightening she needed to say it, no she wanted to. She felt as though she had so much love in her chest that if she didn't let it out she would die. She stopped herself from blurting it out. She had to get this right.

Alex took a deep breath in, "Pipes, while you were gone I had time to think, really think for the first time in a long while. I just need-"Alex was choking up slightly now and stopped to dab at her eyes.

Piper took her hands into her own, "Hey now, I'm okay. I'm fine, I came back and I am not going to leave you this time. Just promise me one thing."

"What?" she asked.

Piper gave a small hopeful smile, "Promise me you won't leave me either."

Alex leaned in towards Piper. She was so close she could smell her very distinct smell. She wasn't sure how but even in prison Piper managed to keep that scent.

** Alex was in a room in Paris surrounded by books of French poetry.**

** "Which one do you think I should send my mom?" she asked Piper who was in the bathroom.**

** Piper walked into the bedroom in a bathrobe, "I'm no poetry expert, I majored in classic literature, not poetry. I am sure whatever you send her she will love it," she said kissing Alex softly on the lips.**

** Alex's senses were filled by Piper. How she felt, sounded, tasted, and smelled. It was all wonderful.**

** "Pipes, why do you always smell like orange blossoms?" Alex asked. It had always puzzled her that no matter what Piper always had the scent on her.**

** Piper just shrugged, "I don't know. I don't wear anything orange blossom scented," she then returned to the bathroom while Alex continued to search for the perfect book for her mother.**

Alex leaned even closer and whispered, "You smell the same."

Piper leaned back and started shaking with laughter, "That's really what you're thinking about right now?"

Alex laughed leaning her face down a bit, "I can't help it. It is over powering and so… you."

Piper moved back in closer, close enough she could feel Alex's hot breath of her face, "You still smell the same too, but that is more explainable. Smelling like leather bound books is actually possible. I haven't been near anything orange scented in months. Even the oranges here don't smell like oranges."

Alex smiled, "Well now that we've got that settled. Want to be my little spoon?"

"Always."

The two leaned back. There was safety when they were together. There was an overwhelming feeling that no matter what was coming, as long as they were together, they could take whatever life threw at them. Alex knew she had to say it now, or fall back into the complacency they had built last time. This was the moment, the perfect moment.

"Pipes," she said.

Piper shifted so she was looking at Alex, "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Piper just smiled, "I love you too."

Alex let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and completely relaxed back into Piper.

They had jumped the first hurdle now they only had a thousand more to go, but at this point they couldn't turn back. It was mid race and if they wanted to reach the finish line they had to just keep running no matter what came next. Winning or losing didn't matter. Finishing was the only thing they cared about.

Alex just curled closer, "We should probably talk about this."

"Yeah, but for right now and we just be here in this moment?" Piper asked softly.

Alex gave her a squeeze, "I'd love to."

For the first moment Alex felt truly happy, before the pain in her chest returned. Love was keeping it at bay, but for how long? Her darkness was still there, but buried a little deeper.

* * *

Time seemed to file more quickly for Piper now she was no longer only concerned about the life she was missing on the outside. She now had a life that she could love inside. It was not an easy life and most parts of it were horrible but she had someone with her for the long haul and that made everything easier. She had the connection, the contact that she longed for the entire time. This time it was not out of lust or the need to have someone close, it was out of a strange and inexplicable love she shared with Alex. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore.

She was in her third week in the dorms when it was finally announced over the loud speaker that she finally had her bunk assignment. Recently the prison had been having an influx of prisoners, so much so they were actually operating over capacity. Beds in the cellblocks were a sought after luxury now. A lot of people were going to be stuck in the dorms for a long time. Luckily she got to jump the list a bit because she was not a new prisoner, but the waiting had still sucked. Whoever's bunk she was getting had either been released or thrown into the SHU for a while.

She walked to the block which Nichols had so aptly called the white suburbs. At least this time she wasn't in the ghetto block, but she was worried that she might get put in with one of Doggett's old followers and that might be a dangerous situation. She didn't trust any of them near her while she was sleeping. She didn't feel like having a one-way trip to the morgue or a trip to the hospital again.

When she saw what her bunk assignment was she would have laughed, but it didn't seem right to.

"You know when I first got in here if I had been assigned as your bunk mate I would have probably tried to jump out a window," she said.

Alex raised one eyebrow and did a half smile before sitting down on her own cot in the cube.

"Well hon, you're stuck with me for a while now. I've got to say though. You're much easier on the eyes than my last roommate. I've also lived with you before so I already know your nasty habits," she jested.

"Like I can leave my wet clothes lying around in a prison, Alex," Piper said all the while smiling.

For the first time in a long time Piper felt like things were as they should be. Prison hadn't been in her plans, but now that she was here she couldn't see how her life would have been without these experiences. It was unimaginable. So much good had come out of this shitty situation. For the first time in years she could think about all the fun she had with Alex and all the places she had been without the devastating pressure of the guilt she felt for how things turned out. She still felt some guilt and what she felt the guiltiest for was letting Alex's mother down.

**She was sitting in a hotel room in Chicago. Out of the places Alex had taken her this one was the least exotic. Usually they spent more time gallivanting outside of the country than in it. They had been to Miami once, but even that was more exotic than Chicago in February was. Here there was a foot of snow and the wind was terrible. She was colder than she had been since she had left Connecticut. **

** Outside the window of her room the snow was falling calmly. She was watching to see Alex when she finally came back. Their window had a perfect view of the entrance to the lobby if you looked straight down. It was boring watching people exit in and out of the building in their huge coats. They looked more like bears to Piper than actual human beings. Finally, a half an hour into her watching, she saw Alex returning to the building along with a short woman with brown hair. Soon afterwards she heard the click of the lock on the door as it opened.**

** "Piper," Alex called softly, "It's me. I brought someone I'd like you to meet."**

** The woman she had seen her with earlier was standing with her at the door. The woman was quite a bit shorter than Alex. She had blue eyes that in a strange way almost matched Alex's perfectly for size and shape. The pigmentation was only difference since one had blue and the other green eyes. Her eyes also had the same mischievous glint Alex had whenever she was planning something. It was just not hid behind dark black frames she had grown to love. Her face looked so much like Alex is some ways, but nothing like her at the same time. It was strange.**

** Alex immediately started explaining, "I know we didn't talk about this, but my mom was in town seeing her sister and we were here. I know we haven't been dating that long, but this is my mom. She's probably my best friend."**

** Alex's mother gave a polite smile, "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet ya. I'm** **Diane Vause. " **

** Piper was still a bit in shock. She and Alex had decided that meeting friends and family with where they were in their currently relationship was a bad idea, but here she was facing the only women in the world that meant more to Alex than she did.**

** "Hello, Ma'am, I'm Piper Chapman," she said unsure of what to say next.**

** Diane just smiled, she probably sense how nervous she was at the moment and chose to lighten the mood. "Oh dearie, nobody calls me ma'am. Let's leave all that ma'am bullshit out and just have a good an honest talk between women. The only way we can have that is if ya call me Diane."**

** Piper gave a nervous smile, "Alright, Diane."**

** For the next few hours she and Alex told Diane all the tales from their travels, the good and the bad. Alex was so open with her mother. It was a relationship she had always wished she had had with her own mother. As they spent more time together Piper realized why Alex had brought her mom to meet her that day despite their agreement. Keeping Piper a secret was killing her inside because of her relationship with her mother and the only way she could keep going was to finally come clean and tell her about all their adventures.**

** It was almost six o'clock when Alex decided that it was time for dinner, "Do you guys want to go out or do you want some take away? There is an amazing curry house down the road."**

** Before Piper could speak her own opinion Alex's mother interjected, "Why don't ya go get take out from that place so Piper and I can really get to know each other. She seems like such a huge part of your life, dearie."**

** "Mom-" Alex began, doubting if leaving the two of them alone that long was really the best idea since Piper really hadn't been too keen on meeting her family.**

** "No buts just go. I promise I won't do anythin' embarrassin' or scare the dearie off. Now go," her mother commanded. **

** Alex turned to Piper to see if she was alright with the arrangement. Begrudgingly, after decided that rejecting Alex's mother's request would probably not be the best idea, she waved off Alex. **

** "Yeah, we will be fine," she said. **

** Alex just nodded, pick up her wallet and room key and left. Piper now felt the pressure of meeting the parents. It was one thing to have your significant other in the room because they would moderate if things got out of hand but this was unguarded territory and things could get messy.**

** After she was sure Alex was gone Diane turned to Piper, "Now dear, let's get talkin'. I want to know about you."**

** This was not what Piper was expecting, "You want to know about me?"**

** "Of course I do. I know all about what you and Alex have done together but I really don't know anythin' about you or your family," her mother explained. **

** Piper paused to think about her own biography. It wasn't quite as interesting as Alex's. She began, "Well, I grew up in Connecticut with a brother and my parents. I lived the opposite life of Alex. I was the popular girl in school. Then I attended Smith. I graduated with honors with a degree in anthropology and literature."**

** Diane laughed one of those huge belly laughs that you would think a Santa Claus impersonator would do, not a forty-something year old woman would do. Still laughing she said, "Hon, I want to know you personally. I don't want no dust jacket biography."**

** After that Piper's nerves calmed down a lot. This woman was one of the least judgmental people she had ever met. She was warm and friendly and truly was interested in what she had to say. She had learned that before Alex her mother had been attending a small college in New Jersey studying literature as well. One night at a concert she met Alex's dad. One night, when she was a little too drunk, and bam she had a kid. She dropped after freshman year to care for her newborn.**

** "Now I know that sounds bad, but I don't regret a single second. Do I wish sometimes I had made better choices, yes, but I've never wished not to have her," Diane sad rubbing her hands together nervously. "What I do wish is that I had picked a better guy to be her father. I'm not sure she's told you this, but she met him a few years ago. He is fucked up. Too many years of drug and alcohol I guess. He was never a good guy though, so I guess it is not much of a change, but he hurt my baby. She became so distant, jettin' across the world and avoidin' livin' as much as possible."**

** Alex's mother moved closer to Piper and took her hands into her own, "But then she met you and her life slowed down. She started callin' more often and she got that old tone back in her voice. I guess I hadn't realized how broken she was, but then you fixed it. I thank you for that, but I have a request of sorts. My baby has already had too much heartbreak in her life. Please don't add to it."**

** Diane now had tears in her eyes. Her eyeliner was smudged slightly on the sides where her tears had run down. Piper felt in that moment she was more connected to Alex than ever. She hadn't known about all the shit with her father, but now she knew why she would see the cold and callous Alex. She was putting up walls to protect herself.**

** "I won't." she promised.**

** The door to the room clicked open and Alex was there with takeout. She stared at the two of them and noticed the tears running down both of their faces.**

** "Ok, what happen?" she demanded, turning towards her mother.**

Piper wanted to go back eight years and erase what she did. She hurt Alex so much that day and broke the promise she had made to the woman who only wanted to make her feel like family. Diane had been so nice, unlike Larry's parents had been. She actually cared about her and her life. She was an amazing woman who had raised another amazing woman.

"I'm so sorry," Piper said to Alex.

Alex gave a confused look. She obviously had no idea what Piper's current train of thought was and was confused as to why she was apologizing to her.

Piper sighed, "Ten years ago, a little more than that now actually, I promised your mom I wouldn't hurt you. I did, and I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Alex shifted uncomfortably. Her mother, even after all this time, was still a sore subject for her. She couldn't bear to think about the day she seemed to have lost the only two people in the world she truly loved.

"You're here now," was all she said.

Piper nodded. She looked around for guards for a moment before she brought Alex in for a hug. "I'm here now and I will be here for as long as you want me to."

Alex mumbled into her shoulder, "Does forever sound good to you, because that's how long I want you to stay."

Piper knew this was the moment to show how serious she was, "If forever is what you want okay, but sharing a grave is going to get crowded."

Alex gave the same laugh her mother had ten years ago. Yes, that woman was so much like her mother and so different at the same time. Diane lived on through Alex and Piper felt that because of that the world was a better place.

* * *

_June 15__th__, year one (Almost two!)_

_I have five years, two months and thirteen day left. Piper has four years, eight months and twenty seven Now that we have that down let's move on. A lot of shit has been hitting the fan here at the lovely prison by the creek. Diaz is having a kid. I mean she is huge. Once again, whoever can guess the time and date closes to the actual birth gets some type of candy bar. Piper is basically following her taking notes because she wants to win this time. Jeez that girl is competitive. _

_We've started talking about our futures after this place. Well, as much as we can talk about it with my need to be spontaneous. We've said what we both want out of life and what we envision will someday happen, but we've not set a timeline for anything. It's good to finally know what we each want. The two years we were together were great, but we weren't completely honest. At that point I wanted to keep her forever. I was older and new more about what I wanted out of life and Piper was young and was still trying to figure out what she wanted. It's no surprise we didn't work out. We should have talked more. But as my mom used to say, the past is the past and there ain't nothing you can do about it now. You know, for someone majoring in English my mom had terrible grammar. I'm going to blame the school system of lower-class New York because Morello speaks the same way. _

_I guess that's all I've got going on. I wake up each morning at around four-fifty, get showered and dressed, go to breakfast, go to work, lunch break, work, and then dinner and free time. My life doesn't really have room for adventure currently. It's just, I miss my mom and I have nothing to distract me from missing her. For years I tried to forget, but here I have to acknowledge she's gone. I just need to talk to her. I need to wash these hands clean and I don't know how. She would though, she would. _

The seasons had changed quickly that year and spring had only been a short lived week before the heat of summer had settled upon Litchfield. Alex had spent that week watching Piper and the other inmates run around outside while reading. Most of the time prison was a nightmare with no freedoms, but Sunday mornings she was free. She could read, watch Piper run, or do a little exploring around the prison. The usual darkness was gone. Since she had finally completely reconciled with Piper the swirling darkness of her mind had become more manageable, but was never fully gone. Prison really fucked with someone's head. Though maybe, just maybe, everything would turn out okay in the end.

It was times like these Alex's wanted the most to call her mother. She knew that if she had been alive still her mother would have her call her every day to make sure she was okay. Every visiting opportunity would be more than welcomed by her. Visitors were rare for her. Occasionally an old family friend would drop by, but no one Alex really needed or wanted to see. About four months into prison she just started talking to her. Imagining her mother was what kept her sane for the longest time.

That's how it became ritual for her to go to the chapel weekly. When most people were either outside, watching television, or just goofing off in their cube, she would go and talk. It was strange for her. She hadn't been brought up in any sort of religion nor did she believe in any higher power. She just came there because she felt as though somehow her mom could hear her. That's how she had found herself in chapel every Sunday, and today was no different.

In the afternoon the chapel was deserted. All of the religious groups met during the morning hours. She walked towards the middle of the hall and took a seat on the isle in order to be able to make a quick escape in case someone came by.

She quickly glanced around the chapel to make sure no one was watching her before she began. "Hey mom, it's me. I don't know why I still do this. You didn't even believe in an afterlife so if you can hear this then you are probably telling me to stop being an ass. I need to do this though. Recently I've been feeling so guilty. I… I feel guilty because of the life I'm living. Prison is supposed to be a place where you have a hellish life in order to make up for shit you've done. There are these other girls here who did less than I did, have just as long a sentence, but no light in their lives. It's not fair. I have something beautiful while they have nothing."

Alex smacked the seat in front of her in frustration, "There are girls here. Girls who have addictions to the very drugs I pushed for years. Some of them probably had some of the product I brought in. They're in prison because of drugs. Drugs I more than happily supplied for them. I am worse than them."

Alex had worked herself into tears, "You said I was going to be great when I grew up. I have to argue against that. I am an awful human being. I hid behind being a pragmatist. I never had to see what I was doing to people and the pain I caused for their families. Now I have and I can never ever be the same. Over dosing is not uncommon here. Heroine and the basic opiates are the most common. I helped create this. I see these people die and I helped cause it. I'm no better than a murderer."

Alex got up out of her seat, tears streaming down her eyes, "Right now I need you. I miss you so much and I just need you to tell me how I can fix this. How I can fix my life. I need to. For Piper's sake I need to. I...I just don't know how."

She started walking out, "I'm not worthy of happiness unless I figure out how. Big Boo was right. Trish was better than me and half the other people here. She knew how she was going to repay everyone and she kept a record. She had a plan. I don't. She didn't deserve dying the way she did. No one deserves that, but especially not her. She was a victim of people like me."

Alex left the chapel, but her guilt somehow still lingered in the air. She was about to break and she had no idea how to stop it.

* * *

**A/N** So I lied. I fell in love with how I imagined Alex's mother and then spent more than a thousand words on her, so there will be more than three chapters. I'm not going to say how many more because I planned for Alex's mom to pop up again and I have decided that predicting how that will turn out would be unwise. So now here is the part where I leave my thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and followed. Everyone's response to this has been so great and encouraging. Now the next chapter is going to be longer than the past two, so it will take some time and I promise it will be less cliche. I know being patient is hard, trust me I wish I had the next season of _Orange is the New Black_ right now, but I don't. So until we meet again _adieu_.


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